i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
