Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
