I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
