Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Floor bacon is actually really good
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
