Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
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