we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I wear drunk well.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
