i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Randomize
