Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
