dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
