idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
