actually, I'm a sock model
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
It's never too late to be topless.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
