I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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