we have pet lesbian snakes
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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