ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
