My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
