So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
