Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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