I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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