This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize