I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize