So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
