If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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