Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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