I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
