please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
