dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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