Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
