why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
