How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
