You're completely useless in the revolution.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
