God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You have to summon your inner elephant
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
