i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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