Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
