She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
