I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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