I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I love you. Go after that dick
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
