I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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