Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
