I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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