i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
