dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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