Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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