R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I didn't notice because vodka
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
