My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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