awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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