You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
