Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
