I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
