At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
