if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
