Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
