I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
