Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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