He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Randomize
