My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
