I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You're a waste of cheezeits
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
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