Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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