the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
