ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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