I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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