It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
