I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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