You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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