Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
