I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
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