i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Its about making memories worth repressing
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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